Heidi Ahihi

The Vietnamese language, with its rich tapestry of personal pronouns, reflects the intricate social and cultural norms of its people. The terms “anh,” “chị,” “em,” “cô,” “dì,” “chú,” “bác,” “cậu,” and “mợ” are not just words—they are titles of respect and kinship that are used both inside the family and with people outside the family circle. Mastering their usage is key to showing respect, understanding social hierarchy, and building connections in Vietnam.

Within the family, these terms serve as precise kinship markers that establish a person’s age and their relationship to the speaker. They are an essential part of how family members address and refer to each other, creating a clear and respectful structure.

Usage: A child will call their mother’s brother “cậu” and his wife “mợ,” which highlights the unique and respected relationship with the maternal side of the family.

Anh/Chị/Em: These are the most fundamental terms for siblings.

Anh: Elder brother.

Chị: Elder sister.

Em: Younger sibling (can be a brother or sister).

Usage: A younger sibling (em) will always use “anh” or “chị” to address their older siblings, while the older siblings will use “em” to address the younger ones.

Example: “Anh hai ơi, em đói bụng rồi.” (Big brother, I’m hungry.)

Cô/Dì/Chú/Bác: These terms are for addressing parents’ siblings and their spouses, and they follow a clear hierarchy based on age and a distinction between the father’s and mother’s sides of the family.

Chú: Uncle, younger brother of the father.

Dì: Aunt, younger sister of the mother.

Bác: Aunt or uncle, an older sibling of either parent.

Cô: Aunt, younger sister of the father.

Usage: These terms are essential for showing respect to the extended family. A child will use “chú” to address their father’s younger brother, “cô” for their father’s younger sister, “dì” for their mother’s younger sister, and “bác” for any sibling of their parents who is older than them.

Cậu/Mợ: These terms are specific to the mother’s side of the family.

Cậu: Uncle, brother of the mother.

Mợ: Aunt, the wife of the mother’s brother (cậu).

What makes the Vietnamese pronoun system so complex and fascinating is that these same family terms are used to address people outside the family. This practice, known as “calling a stranger a relative,” is a powerful way of expressing respect, creating a sense of intimacy, and navigating social situations. The choice of which term to use is based on the perceived age of the person you are speaking to.

Example: When a young person enters a store run by an older man, they would respectfully greet him, “Chào chú ạ.” (Hello, uncle.)

Anh/Chị: If you meet someone who appears to be your contemporary or slightly older, using “anh” or “chị” is a common and polite way to address them. This immediately establishes a friendly and respectful relationship, as if you were siblings. It is a sign of good manners and helps to break the ice.

Example: When asking for directions, you might say, “Chào chị, chị có thể chỉ đường đến bưu điện được không?” (Hello sister, can you show me the way to the post office?)

Em: If you are older than someone you meet, you can refer to them as “em.” This is a gesture of seniority and care.

Example: An older person might say to a younger person, “Em đi đâu đấy? Cho anh đi nhờ với.” (Where are you going, younger sibling? Can I ride with you?)

Cô/Dì/Chú/Bác: When addressing an older person who is the same age as your parents, using these terms is a sign of deep respect.

Bác is generally used for people who are perceived to be significantly older, like grandparents.

Chú/Cô/Dì are for people the same age as your parents.

The key to distinguishing between an in-family and outside-family usage is context.

Direct Relationship vs. Perception: Inside the family, the relationship is a fact of your lineage. Outside the family, the pronoun is based on your perception of the other person’s age. You are essentially “adopting” them into a familial framework for the purpose of the conversation.

Possessives and Names: Inside the family, these terms are often combined with names to be specific, such as “dì Lan” (Aunt Lan) or “chú Tùng” (Uncle Tung). Outside the family, they are used more as standalone pronouns.

Tone and Intimacy: The tone of the conversation will be a strong indicator. Inside the family, the usage is more personal and can be affectionate. Outside the family, it is a formal and respectful gesture.

The Vietnamese pronoun system is a beautifully intricate mechanism that reflects the culture’s deep respect for hierarchy and harmony. Using family terms with outsiders is a way to create a sense of kinship and mutual respect, turning a simple conversation into a polite and culturally sensitive interaction.